I work from home. I’ve always wanted to, but when I got sick it sort of became involuntary. But I’m here to tell you, that even at home, it can be hard to find ways to avoid work. So, as an experienced work from person, I’m here to help.
Aren’t I nice?
- Go onto Pinterest. Say you are pinning for work or your blog, but spend the first hour pinning hilarious insult memes.
- Hop on Facebook and start typing in random things in the search box. See if you can find any really ridiculous pages to follow. Don’t stop until you have followed at least 20 new pages.
- Put Doctor Who on the TV. Leave your laptop open and click back and forth between two tabs on your web browser while actually watching The Doctor.
- Read a book. When it’d done, read its sequel.
- Pretend to be making important phone calls, but actually be on the phone with your best friend. Be sure to use buzz words like “feasible” and “actuary.” That makes you sound very busy and important.
- For maximum effect of number 4, pick a series that has at least 5 books in it. That should prevent you from having to work for at least a few days.
- Walk to get the mail three times a day. Pretend you are waiting for a really important package so your neighbors don’t call the cops thinking you are a stalker.
- Do the same as number 5 but via Skype. Include more friends so it looks like you are even more important.
- “Look up recipes for dinner” on Pinterest. Never make them, but search every single day for new ones.
- Plan your OTHER imaginary child’s first birthday party via Pinterest.
- Pretend to type a really important email, while actually having a conversation via Facebook. Be sure to look like you are concentrating really hard so they know you are thinking of the best way to phrase things.
- If you have dogs, start planning to throw them a birthday party every year. Spend a few hours each day brain storming and sketching birthday cake ideas.
- If you REALLY want to commit, also plan their dog weddings.
- Put a magazine under your keyboard. That way, when your spouse walks by it looks like you are working on the computer, but you are secretly getting updated on the lasted stupid thing Kanye West has said.
- If you also have cats, repeat 14 and 15 for them as well.
- Plan how you would go about kidnapping any one of your friends. Make detailed plans. Throw detailed plans away so you don’t lose them and get arrested.
- Recreate thrown away kidnapping plans to keep your mental acuity.
Throw plans away. That’s call premeditation.
- If you are really desperate, make friends with your neighbors so you can hang out at their house instead of working. I’ve never been desperate enough to need this.