I was recently talking with friends about my “limited mobility.” The topic of the Tough Mudder came up and I mentioned I was itching to get back to running, not just as a way to deal with my stress, but as something I did to train for events like those. Nearly everyone in my life told me I was crazy to run it the first time around, they said I was even crazier when I signed up the second time (though I had surgery and was unable to run it) and seem surprised to hear me say I’m looking to prove everyone wrong by running it again.
I don’t know why this is such a mystery to people. I really don’t. Some people die their hair pink, some drink with friends, I run races that may or may not kill or seriously injure you. We all have our things.
The truth is, after training for the first one, I found something in myself that needed to keep doing it. The feeling of hurting after a wicked run, and the exhaustion of falling into bed knowing you will get up again tomorrow to almost kill yourself again, are feelings that I want back. Maybe years of working in an ER and critical care facility has left me addicted to the rush. Who knows?
But it remains to be one of the few things in my life I truly did 100% for myself. And now, I have begun the process of regaining that feeling.
I have accepted that some things I may never be do able, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. You can lay down and wait to die, or you can keep pushing until you find a way to meet your goals. I choose the latter.
Insanity was always my favorite workout video when training for the Tough Mudder, but I am not a crazy fool, I know that it’s hard. So, I’ve begun the training my body needs to work up to it. I’m starting with PiYo and hope that it’s going to help train my body and re-tone all my atrophied muscles.
My husband never understood my need to do these things. But I admit, this time around, I think he sees exactly what I get out of it. And it might seem crazy. Plenty of people have told me I am crazy to set these goals, to push myself, and even battier to be trying to get into Tough Mudder or Spartan Race shape. I doubt people will ever think anything other than that I must be insane. Maybe I am.
But I have to live by the belief that we can all do so much more than we realize. And I might not be able to kneel, or run, hell, I can barely walk, but it doesn’t mean that a year from now, I won’t be running 6 miles, biking 20 or whatever else I can find to fill that hole in my life.
People will tell you what you can and can’t do based on the belief of their own limitations. But you know what? I read a blog post about a woman who had TWO hip replacements after years of battling her RA and she ran a marathon.
So, maybe I AM crazy. But at least I know I’m in good company.