I’m not sure when it happened, looking back now. It was a gradual decent for me, as I imagine it is for everyone. But suddenly, I found myself uninspired by life and my once engaged person just didn’t care anymore.
I don’t care if you like me, my self worth is not measure by the love from others, but in my own validation that I matter.
Nothing I have to say is that important. I type and retype comments on social media only to give up. Does my commentary or two cents really matter THAT much? Not really. So why am I taking so much time out my day?
It’s not apathy, but it’s not really a revelation. It was more like a quick succession of a series of movements that, when ordered correctly, suddenly resulted in my seeming satisfaction in my hermit like nature/skin.
I hate people and suddenly I stopped caring if they hated me back.
It has been both freeing and somewhat disheartening. On the one hand, I just don’t give a crap, but on the other, I see the possibility that it will further my retreat into the bowels of my office, where my skin will molt and I will emerge, years from now, stroking my laptop and calling it my precious.
Is this a new, enlightened leaf I’ve turned? Or the result of years of insomnia and illness that has causes a fissure in my mental dam.
You know what? I’m not sure I care either way.